Cryptids | My Haunted Library

November 1, 2020
by Jennifer 1 Comment

Review: The Haunted Forest Tour

Tourists become tasty treats for a myriad of monsters in this gleefully gruesome romp in the woods. And yes, discussing this book absolutely require an abundance of alliteration.

The Haunted Forest Tour—James A. Moore & Jeff Strand, 2007. Rating: 4/5

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When a giant forest violently erupts out of the New Mexico desert—unfortunately impaling most of the townsfolk—the land, along with the werewolves, insect-like things, aliens, mold monsters, demons, ghosts, and other beasties it contains is quickly snapped up by an entrepreneurial individual. In a true capitalistic spirit, H.F. Enterprises turns the deadly demesne into a tourist destination. They hire cryptozoologists to analyze the dangerous denizens and run (perfectly safe!) tram tracks through woods for the ultimate in (safe!) scares. Needless to say, safety protocols are colossally compromised on the Halloween Day Tour, stranding formerly eager monster-aficionados deep in the woods. Monsters rejoice. Tourists die. And they die in lots of creative ways involving copious amounts of blood, goo, and unnamed fluids teeming with wormy things. A handful of survivors escape deeper into the woods: Eddie the tram driver; Barbara, the pretty young guide; soon-to-be-unemployed Chris and his mom; an elderly hoax debunker, Lee; and six-year-old Tommy. Can anyone make it out alive? Can anyone stop the forest from spreading? Don’t look at me: I’m not to spoil it for you.

Moore and Strand obviously had a blast writing this one and their macabre delight is infectious. You read The Haunted Forest Tour with a big grin and a wince of revulsion plastered to your face. There are lots of “eeeew” moments, but they’re lightened by how frankly flat-out funny the story is. Even the characters find a dark humor in their precarious plights.

Now, we’re not talking National Book Award nominee, here. The plot is straightforward: monsters. Though there are some neat little surprises along the way. Still, the characters are fleshed out enough— well, enough that they’ve got plenty of flesh to be removed—but also in that we root for them. I was genuinely (briefly) disappointed when a certain character died on me. That said, The Haunted Forest Tour is all about the monsters. Reading it is like reveling in a big old box of disgusting chocolates (ones filled with different creepy things). You never know what you’re going to bite into—or what’s going to bite you. Bon appétit! (Bonne lecture!)

October 18, 2020
by Jennifer Leave a comment

Review: Chaos Choreography

Protector of cryptids and ballroom dancer extraordinaire, Verity Price returns in Chaos Choreography. This time a pesky snake cult threatens Verity’s dreams of dance. Tracking down ritual murderers between Argentine Tangos proves surprisingly challenging for our spunky heroine.

Chaos Choreography—Seanan McGuire, 2016. Rating 3.5/5

A member of the infamous Price family of cryptozoologists, Verity keeps her real identity hidden to avoid eradication by the infamous Covenant of St. George which believes that the only good cryptid is a dead cryptid. Now, Verity and her ex-Covenant husband, Dominic, are living (awkwardly) with Verity’s family—until Verity gets an unexpected second chance: to return to her Valerie ballroom dancer persona and appear on a top twenty reunion reality tv show, Dance or Die. Verity leaps at the chance to head to LA and follow her passion, only to discover that eliminated contestants are being… literally eliminated. Ballroom takes a backseat while Verity tracks down the evildoers.

Chaos Choreography is the fifth title in McGuire’s flat-out fun InCryptid series. Verity is feisty, good-hearted, astoundingly athletic, deadly with a knife, and possesses an infectious joie de vivre. Only Verity could hide a dagger in a sparkly ballroom dress the size of a handkerchief. In this installment, we get to go a little deeper into Verity’s character, watching her wrestle with conflicting life choices. Her love of, and talent for, dance wars with her life’s work of defending cryptids everywhere.

Dance or Die is a thinly veiled fictionalization of the FOX tv show, So You Think You Can Dance. If you’re familiar with the show, you’ll recognize individual judges and choreographers in some of McGuire’s characters, which adds to the fun. From Cha Chas to chupacabras, Swing to sharkmen, Chaos Choreography is a bizarre, but weirdly successful blend of the high-pressure world of dance and monsters. The snake cult premise is a little on the weak side, and I found myself enjoying the behind-the-scenes look at the dances and the show more than I cared about who was offing the dancers. But the humor, fast-paced action, light magic, a host of eccentric characters, and a climactic extravaganza make up for a lot. This lively, escapist read will drag you out of the doldrums.

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September 13, 2020
by Jennifer 1 Comment

Review: Monster Hunter Siege

Owen Pitt is tired of waiting for the end of the world. Now, he and a crew of elite international monster hunters are taking the fight to the chief baddie himself, Asag, the god of chaos, in an effort to preempt humanity’s holocaust.

Monster Hunter Siege – Larry Correia, 2017. Rating: 4.5/5

Once an accountant, Owen Zastava Pitt, or “Z”, is now a top-notch monster hunter and the Chosen One, destined to save the world or die trying. Now, about to be a father, Owen knows he needs to go on the offensive and stop letting ultra-powerful and mysterious entities call the shots. Owen convinces his werewolf boss, Earl, to mount a massive attack on the City of Monsters, located on a remote Russian island where intel suggests there is a portal to the Nightmare Realm—and Asag. While MHI and their allies hold the island against all kinds of creative monstrosities, it is Owen alone who can travel to the Nightmare Realm and not only take the fight to Asag, but bring back seven hunters who have been trapped there for months.

Monster Hunter Siege is exactly what I’ve been needing: a warm-hearted, breakneck shoot-em up with lots of monsters, good and bad, and characters that shine. There is never a dull moment—or even a slightly less exciting moment—as Owen achieves détente between the orcs and elves at a local barbeque (open bar), establishes fraternal relations with a Russian mobster as they battle a child-eating vodyanoy, and goes on to fight sky squids, evil Fey, and legions of Asag’s minions. We’re talking sheer fun and lots of firepower, here.

Correia writes with a droll sense of humor and doesn’t compromise on characterization; two reasons I love the Monster Hunter International series. Owen’s relationships with his father, and with the lost hunter and ex-nemesis, Lococo, are authentically moving. The novel’s poignancy and the dark nature of its conflict are offset with brilliantly sweet and funny scenes like Owen’s meeting with Poly, the one-eyed, comic-book loving cyclops. The series is a treat.

If you’re new to Owen and MHI, you can certainly jump in with this installment, but I recommend starting with the first title, Monster Hunter International: pure enjoyment.

March 22, 2020
by Jennifer Leave a comment

Review: Half-Off Ragnarok

Half-Off Ragnarok – Seanan McGuire, 2014. Rating: 4/5

Geeky Alexander Price is a herpetologist at the West Columbus Zoo. It’s the perfect cover for his work with cryptids like basilisks, cockatrices, gorgons, wadjets, and lindworms. But when zoo employees start turning to stone, Alex needs to find the culprit fast before his secret life, his famous cryptozoologist family, and his beloved cryptids are exposed.

Alex lives with his grandmother, a cuckoo (telepathic humanoid hunter), his grandfather, a revenant (made of reanimated body parts), and his psychically damaged cuckoo cousin, Sarah. Unlike his ballroom dancer and parkour pro sister, Verity, whose focus is on protecting urban cryptids, Alex specializes in the reptilian variety, like small feathered frogs called frickens.

Alex finds an unexpected ally in Shelby, his beautiful Australian coworker/girlfriend. Turns out Shelby is part of the Thirty-Six Society, protecting Australia’s cryptids from the evil, single-minded Covenant. Together they discover that whoever is petrifying zookeepers has a grudge against the Price family.

Half-Off Ragnarok is flat-out fun. Admittedly, I was initially skeptical: I enjoyed the first two books in the series, which are narrated from Verity’s point of view, and I wasn’t super-sold on a reptilian and amphibian focus, but I was hooked after the first couple of pages. McGuire brings the same engaging mix of tongue-in-cheek humor and monster action to Half-Off Ragnarok that she does to the rest of the series.

There is also a sweetness to these stories. They highlight the “humanity” of different creatures and our ability to live alongside them. The concept of family takes on a welcomingly broad definition. In this world, cobra-wadjet families coexist with cuckoos and revenants and humans and a thriving gorgon colony. Don’t worry: the Aeslin mice make an appearance too, since Alex has a subcolony! If this is your first InCryptid book, you’re in for a treat. If you’ve read the first two and are worried about missing Verity, don’t be: Half-Off Ragnarok is a rewarding read.

January 20, 2020
by Jennifer Leave a comment

Best Books of 2019

O.k., folks! I’m back after a brief hiatus and kicking off the New Year (albeit a little late) with my top five recommendations from all the books I reviewed for 2019. And yes, this time I actually kept it to five. Wonders never cease. All of these are great reads: inspiring, scary, funny, thrilling, oddly beautiful…they run the emotional gamut. Enjoy.

Text links go to my full reviews, cover images link to Amazon.

Afterlife

FBI agent Will Brody is dead: killed pursuing a shooter. But Brody quickly learns that there are bad guys in the afterlife, too, and they’re threating the living—including Brody’s soulmate, Claire. Non-stop thriller action meets a thoughtful, deeply touching exploration of death, and love.

Discount Armageddon

Cryptozoologist, parkour queen, and almost-professional ballroom dancer, Verity Price carries on the family business of protecting the monster communities in New York City from the humans. And vice versa. If that’s not challenging enough, things get complicated when Verity and a handsome enemy must work together to save disappearing cryptid virgins. Fast-paced and filled with fun characters and great monsters.

The Watchmaker of Filigree Street

A suspenseful, whimsical, stunningly beautiful Victorian mystery about a musical telegraph operator who is befriended by a Japanese watchmaker. There are secrets. Bombs. Clockworks. Gilbert and Sullivan. And magic. Exquisite.

The Line Between

Violence and panic erupt as a pandemic sweeps through the US. Only Wynter Roth, who has lived most of her life in a doomsday cult, has the key to a vaccine. As society rapidly deteriorates, Wynter must cope with present-day lawlessness and past traumatic memories of the cult while she rushes the precious medical samples across the country. Gripping read.

The Death of Mrs. Westaway

Down-on-her-luck Hal is barely scraping by as a tarot reader when she learns she’s listed as a beneficiary in her recently deceased grandmother’s will. Impossible, since her grandparents died long ago. Despite pangs of conscience, Hal decides to scam her way into the inheritance. Gathered with the family in the lonely country house, Hal uncovers family secrets and finds herself in deadly danger. Engaging, classic mystery with well-drawn characters and a touch of almost-supernatural.

August 4, 2019
by Jennifer 5 Comments

Review: Discount Armageddon

Discount Armageddon –Seanan McGuire, 2012. 4.5/5

Braving your bogeyman of a boss—literally—and dealing with dragons under Manhattan are all in a day’s work for cryptozoologist Verity Price in this first installment of McGuire’s InCryptid series.

Verity shares her shoebox of an apartment, (a semi legal sublet from a Sasquatch) with a colony of fervently celebratory talking mice. She gets by waitressing at a strip club and dreaming of a professional ballroom dancing career. That’s the normal side of Verity’s life.

The…abnormal…side of her life? She’s the local protector of cryptids: supporting and protecting monster and human communities from each other.

Not only is Verity a mad-skilled free runner, and a serious weapons specialist, but she can kill a man—or monster—six ways from Sunday. It runs in the family. Once a part of the fanatical, hidebound Covenant, which believes the only good cryptid is a dead one, the Price family went rogue generations ago when they realized cryptids had as much right to be in the world as any human.

Now, Covenant member Dominic De Luca is in town for his first solo mission. Verity and Dominic’s explosive mutual animosity is complicated by equally fiery mutual attraction. But the two face a bigger problem: cryptid virgins are disappearing at an alarming rate, weird lizard men are prowling the sewers, and there are rumors of a dragon sleeping beneath the city.

Discount Armageddon is great fun. McGuire skillfully builds a rich, urban cryptid world, tucking it seamlessly alongside the mundane city-life of ignorant humans. Excitingly unique monsters good, bad, and indifferent abound. A back matter “Field Guide” to NYC cryptids offers tongue-in-cheek details (in case you need help identifying a ghoul at your local bar). The characters—human and otherwise—are great, too, brought to life with breezy dialogue and a touch of surreal humor. Verity herself is skilled and sassy, with a tender heart under all that armament. The plot races along to a highly satisfying conclusion. Yes! At last! I can’t wait to get ahold of the next book.